Texas Longhorns

Hangover Monday: Born-Again for March Madness, Mar. 23

Holy shit, what a weekend. It finally feels like we’ve been paid retribution for sports being taken away from us for 6 months in 2020. This weekend was absolutely insane. I would go ahead and say that I’d give up sex if it meant getting to live out a sports weekend like that every single week. Call me a born again virgin for March Madness. 

Seriously, we don’t ever see a Round 1 like that in the NCAA Tournament and then Day 1 of Round 2 just kept that shit going. This is straight from the NCAA, “We define an upset as a team seeded five spots or more lower than their opponent. We’ve already set the record with 11 such occurrences. We’re midway through the second round.” 

ELEVEN upsets….in three days! That is absolutely batshit. What is unfortunate is that it probably means Vegas won a ton of money because the upsets aren’t getting as many bets as you’d think but man this was crazy to watch. Teams like Oral Roberts, Loyola Chicago, and Ohio all said “fuck your bracket” and we just had to sit there and take it. Let’s take a look at the games that shook up the sports gambling world the most. 

The obvious one is Oral Roberts taking down the 2-seed Ohio State in Round 1 on Friday. We all remember Virginia being the only 1-seed to be taken down by a 16-seed just a few years back. Now, Ohio State is just the ninth 2-seed to lose to lose to a 15-seed. That’s a number that is way higher than I actually thought it would be but nonetheless, it is insane. 

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Oral Roberts was a +900 underdog entering this game. Can you imagine if you threw your stimmy check on this game. A $1400 bet on Oral Roberts to win outright would have won you $12,600. Fuck sports betting, that is making a small investment into your future. But then it gets better because Oral Roberts then knocked off Florida on Sunday night after trailing in most of the game. They were +350 in that game. If you took that $14,00 and threw it on that game, the total payout would’ve been $63,000. 

Oh and by the way…FanDuel reported someone taking a $45,000 bet on Oral Roberts last night, that guy won $198,000. The betting public didn’t love Golden Eagles as much as they should have. In the Ohio State game, 94 percent of the public sided with the Buckeyes. In the Florida game, 87 percent took Florida. For whatever reason, I had Oral Roberts covering in both games. If I had just decided to throw it on the moneyline instead, I could’ve quit my job. 

The second most shocking upset in Round 1 was Abilene Christain taking down Texas. The Longhorns were a 3-seed coming off a Big 12 Tournament Title. Little did they know they were going to take on bible thumpers from a school of 4000 that were ready to show the public the “Power of Christ.” 

Jesus was in that arena on Saturday night as Abilene absolutely stunned the Longhorns who couldn’t avoid a foul call for shit. 78 percent of bets in that game were placed on Texas to cover at 8.5 points and ACU was given a moneyline of +320. 

And there were more upsets like this all weekend. You had Ohio taking down Virginia, Illinois losing to Loyola Chicago, Oregon State taking down Oklahoma State. Nothing made sense and I absolutely loved it. Hopefully you were on the right side of a couple of those brutal upsets and don’t worry, your bracket isn’t the only one entirely torn to shreds. 

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This due Eli may be the greatest sports bettor in the history of the damn game. This dude had a 10-team parlay that consisted of money lines of: Abilene Christian, UCLA, Arkansas, Loyola Chicago, Oral Roberts, Baylor, Oregon State, Villanova, Syracuse, and Houston. He threw down $10 and it won him $33,000. Can you imagine if this dude threw down the stimmy? 

Why I’m a Dumbass this Week: 

This could be a segment that we do five times a week but I’d rather just embarrass myself once weekly. I was all over Illinois yesterday to cover against Loyola Chicago. BIG MISTAKE. Not only did I bet them pre-game to cover at -7, but then I bet them to cover the first half at +6.5, then I bet for them to cover the game total at 10.5, then I bet them to win on the moneyline at +150. Guess who lost every single bet. This guy.

“Texas Longhorns vs Navy Midshipmen” by jrandallc is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

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